Medical Truths to Make us Laugh . . . and Think

A mother was pushing her adult daughter to have a “natural delivery” with her first pregnancy. She answered her mom this way:

“Thanks to the 400 drug ads on TV every hour, I’ve been popping pills all my life. Why stop now when I’m really in pain?" (Overheard in a grocery store)

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“Medical conventions must always be held in resort cities. That's the law. It's based on the scientific principle that – in order to learn anything important – doctors and spouses absolutely must be able to either lie on the beach, drink in a fancy bar or ski on a mountaintop after class.” (Mark DePaolis, MD)

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“The easiest doctor job in the world is ‘coroner’. What’s the worst that can happen? If you do everything wrong, somebody wakes up.” (Dennis Miller)

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“If all the drugs in the world as now used, were sunk to the bottom of the sea, human health as a group would immediately improve. Of course it would kill the fish.” (Oliver Wendell Holmes MD)

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“People who are feeling well are simply patients who haven’t had enough medical tests needed to find their medical problem.” (Anonymous, on the subject of good health)

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“You should see my doctor. He’s terrific.”

"Why should I see any doctor? I'm feeling better than ever."

“Well, my doctor is wonderful. You should see him anyway. He’ll find something wrong. He always does." (Two socialites having lunch in Palm Springs)

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And lastly, we thought you might appreciate the medical definition of patient death:

“The ultimate state of the final common pathway that emerges, subsequent to a terminal, morbid event, culminating in the eventual cessation of animate bioprocesses.” (Doctors Thomas B Newman and Warren S Browner)

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Have a super weekend readers, and never, ever allow somebody in a lab coat to trump your common sense.